


Another

by auficial



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: M/M, Rooftop musings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 17:44:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2397158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auficial/pseuds/auficial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Hibari mulled over several things.</p><p>The list included:<br/>1. The change in their dynamics<br/>2. Past versus present<br/>3. Yamamoto as a force of nature<br/>4. The lives they would never have<br/>5. The person he never was (and how, despite that, Yamamoto stayed)</p><p>Even if he thought them, he would never tell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Another

"Wouldn't it be great if men can get pregnant?"  
  
Hibari opened his eyes and looked to Yamamoto's silhouette. The man had his back to Hibari, probably looking at the sunset with a hand raised to shield them slightly from the rays. Inhaling deeply, Hibari breathed in the crisp summer air and light scent of grass before exhaling it slowly. He didn't acknowledge Yamamoto's question, mostly because he knew that Yamamoto wasn't expecting an answer. Along with that, there was the part of him that was petty enough to lament the fact that the other man no longer looked into his eyes properly.  
  
In the past, Hibari would have given anything for Yamamoto to concentrate on everything but him. It was a little bitterly funny that over the years, Yamamoto's eyes had strayed from his own and now, he found that their roles had thoroughly reversed. Yamamoto was now the one not able to hold his gaze while Hibari could stare straight at Yamamoto unblinkingly. There was nothing to it now since it had become routine but even Hibari could not help falling victim to nostalgic and sentiment once in a while. He _almost_  felt a longing for their previous dynamics but stopped himself in time.  
  
After all, it was interesting to be the one who was always looking, in contrast to being the one looked at.  
  
The question did not throw him off at all; he had been thinking of it recently as well. In private and sometimes, in the dark of the night and early morning, Hibari did something akin to mourning his old self. The teenage Hibari was fearless, bold and rash in a way his older self had lost, feeling like fireworks that faded to mere wisps of smoke. Young Hibari cared about nothing but himself and his pleasures while older Hibari couldn't help but fell prey to Yamamoto's thoughts and desires, as though sucked into a vortex that was the existence of the rain guardian. The fall into Yamamoto was like gravity, unyielding and inevitable.  
  
Hibari of the past would have scoffed at the person his older self became but Hibari found that he enjoyed being the person he was at the present time.  
  
"You have changed," Yamamoto spoke before, while they were having tea after their respective baths (the sparring session had gone way out of hand and ended in bruises, blood and cum), "but you're still the same."  At that moment, Hibari felt  _something_  in him freeze, leaving him with a cold grip on his bearings. The moment passed but the feeling niggled at him. He could feel Yamamoto's eyes on his and he ignored it, favouring a sip of tea instead of confrontation and bold challenge.  
  
"You're not making any sense," he mumbled instead, dismissing Yamamoto in light of a report that Tsuna had sent over just that morning. It was a relief to find that he could still elicit laughter from Yamamoto, which was still exactly as it was with his teenage self- pure, loud and embarrassingly endearing. Then Yamamoto leaned over, let his hand slip down the curve of Hibari's cheek and the joy hardened into the years of tragedy and having lived a life of turbulence. Hibari leaned forward to press a kiss to those lips, not of any necessity or impulse but because he couldn't bear to look at that expression any longer.  
  
Unlike Yamamoto, Hibari never had any doubts about himself.  
  
First and foremost, he was strong and strength was the entire basis that his identity was founded on. Along with that, he was free and yielded only to the rules that suited his tastes. Yet what he didn't expect was that Yamamoto managed to snag some misbehaving side of himself and enraptured it. If that wasn't enough, he seduced it such that Hibari, as a whole, was susceptible to Yamamoto himself. "Isn't it great?" Yamamoto whispered in his ear one night, all those years ago, with a hint of a smirk playing on his lips, "To rebel against the side of you that tells you that you need no dependence and no companions?"   
  
Hibari's answer was an unplanned moan, drawn out of his throat from heady pleasure and a skilled hand.  
  
Now they were in their early thirties, just the age for one to start planning to settle down and resolve themselves to a lifetime of routine and mediocrity in the form of marriage. Hibari did not care for partners, offspring and other things that were more trouble than it was worth. However, when he looked at Yamamoto, he sometimes entertained the thought of having born female. On some days, he punished himself for it, spending long hours fighting imagined enemies and working it out of his system. On other days, he felt it overwhelm himself, allowed the thoughts to saturate his mind and let the longing seep slowly out of him. There were days he ignored it completely and all in all, it doesn't happen that often at all.  
  
There are times when Yamamoto caught him at it and while the man might not be intuitive enough to know  _exactly_ what it was that bothered him, he knew enough to know it was not at all natural to Hibari's usual self. Hibari found him smiling once, knowing and smug and personally saw to wiping it off his face. When he didn't think Hibari would see, he had a sombre expression that melted to something thoughtful when he realized he was being watched. Between both of them, they never acknowledged it because voicing its presence would make it all the more tangible than they were willing for it to be.  
  
Once, in the dark, lying on the _tatami_  mat and staring at the ceiling, Hibari remembered a long time ago, before he got himself entrapped in Tsuna's business. In that time, he thought he was going to live and die alone. Despite his wishes, he would live an average life and die in an unimpressive way. All in all, he would be another human in the vast world, insignificant and one of the many. Then Yamamoto came along and forced himself into Hibari's life. At first, he was vigilant against the onslaught of the entity called Yamamoto Takeshi but eventually, he let his guard slip and fell all the way.  
  
Yamamoto's back had became broader over the years and the reliable young teenager had become someone that another would trust their life with. Hibari looked at the sun spilling over the edges of Yamamoto, lining him in the most flattering way. In his shadow, Hibari closed his eyes and thought about the question that Yamamoto asked. Perhaps it was a desire for equality such that both sexes could bear child, he thought initially but he knew it was more than that. It must be because Tsuna had his third child recently and his first was still enamoured with Yamamoto, liking him the most out of all the guardians and staff.  
  
Unlike anyone else, Yamamoto took it with good will, lifting the child up high in his arms every single time, reserving a smile and spoiling her occasionally. "Oh, dear," Kyoko had mused, "at this rate, you're going to be her ideal man, Yamamoto."  
  
"Nuh uh," her daughter replied, surprisingly sharp for a six year old child, "Uncle Yamamoto already has uncle Hibari." At that point, she looked over at Hibari, who conveniently had time to kill and graciously decided tp tolerate the gathering since his endurance for social niceties needed work every now and then. He met the gaze of the brat evenly, not cutting her any slack and was pleased at the fact she didn't back down. They shared a mutual understanding and she only looked away when Tsuna had escaped work to indulge his child, calling her name from the door.  
  
"It's like everyone knows you're mine," Yamamoto joked laughingly.  
  
"I only belong to myself," Hibari replied idly, knowing well enough he would get a pleased smile in return.  
  
"Figure of speech," was Yamamoto's off-handed reply, along with the expected smile but also together with a murmur, "I wouldn't have it any other way."  
  
There was a hand on his hip, together with a firm squeeze but they were gone before he could do anything about it. When he turned around, it was to the knowing look of Kyoko and because she got on his nerves the least, he offered an eye roll. It was nice, for once, to leave the room in the wake of light laughter instead of deadly silence and fallen bodies.  
  
In his own way, Hibari could imagine him and Yamamoto having children and living a life that was often taken for granted but yet, it was something he never wanted. Maybe if he were the type who would give the world to someone but he wouldn't- he would let the world be because it was too much for another person to have the world as a gift, just as it wasn't his place to give it to someone. There were instances he thought that Yamamoto understood him, based on the half-smiles that Yamamoto spared him.  
  
Of course there were options like surrogate mothers and adoption but Hibari wasn't open to them because it wasn't children he wanted. It was just the thought of Yamamoto with children and the idea of having an idealised life like every human being was socialised to desire. Since he wasn't born the right sex for such a life, he didn't think too much of it but in his low moments, he wondered if he was holding Yamamoto back. "You can go," he told Yamamoto before, quite a few times, in the dim moonlight. Yamamoto's response was to hold on tighter, stifling Hibari with his heat.  
  
Hibari stood up, walking towards Yamamoto.  
  
Without a word, he let his forehead fall in-between Yamamoto's shoulder blades. "What's up with you?" Yamamoto said, amusement lacing his voice. Hibari thought of all the things that went through his head before that very moment and exhale slowly once again. All those moments between them and the life that they never had swirled in his head and with a rush, he pushed them out of his mind and concentrated on the solid form beneath his forehead.  
  
"Yes," he replied with a slight smile, knowing that Yamamoto would have forgotten his question by now, "it would be great."

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Written because some of the bloggers I follow were pregnant and I was thinking of two people 'talking' about it, as well as briefly touching on the male inability to house a child physically. 
> 
> 2\. Shout outs to:  
> [Festivity](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9511) by [Lys ap Adin (lysapadin)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/lysapadin/pseuds/Lys%20ap%20Adin), mostly because it's wonderful and I'm pretty sure I got my fic in some way from that.  
> [Party Games](http://archiveofourown.org/works/47164) by [Lys ap Adin (lysapadin)](http://archiveofourown.org/users/lysapadin/pseuds/Lys%20ap%20Adin) because I personally enjoyed it too much not to share.
> 
> 3\. Purposely didn't want to include any hint of pregnancy in the summary because while the 'conversation' is supposedly about pregnancy, it's really not about the actual growth of a fertilised egg in relevant body parts. 
> 
> 4\. Nnn, probably can do better for the writing in this fic but I'm pretty content with how it is. 
> 
> 5\. Love the idea that Yamamoto slowly gets more and more jaded while Hibari becomes more open, softer, less of a pissy asshole but they're both still the same. (I highly support the idea you can be both the same yet changed.) 
> 
> 6\. I definitely don't think of it as Hibari being insecure in any way, just him considering the possibilities. 
> 
> 7\. Yes, Yamamoto is that bad boy that brings out the good boy in Hibari (THIS SOUNDS HORRIBLE, GOSH). 
> 
> 8\. If you can't already tell, I liked the idea that Hibari never stood a chance against the thing called Yamamoto Takeshi.
> 
> 9\. Kinda tired, so I'm staring at "the life that they never had swirled in his head" and wondering if I meant to say the lives that they never had or did I mean their unborn child that is never meant to be or something???? 
> 
> 10\. Title is "Another", as in another life. (Yes, I am _so_ creative.)


End file.
